Only the third day into the new year and I am already confronted by not knowing what to say. Not from a lack of thoughts on many different matters, but really feeling like a broken record. I’m not sure how much of the repeating is in my own head so that I am to the point where I have heard these ideas a million times or if I have been saying them out loud all along. There is nothing wrong with iteration, it is a beautiful thing, but iteration without some innovation gets rather boring after awhile.
Most of the time I don’t know what I am doing and I can’t be at all sure why certain things have worked and others don’t. I didn’t approach the fall semester with any plan of attack or specific goals in mind (well none besides to keep on drinking the real school kool-aide). During the fall semester I knew I was doing some things differently and some things the same, just don’t ask me what those things were. And honestly I am still astounded that I now care about learning the way I do, it is just strange. The fall semester messed up my focus in many ways and I have the sensation of a camera on auto-focus struggling to find the right balance, just zooming in and out, in and out. As the picture has grown larger and more complex just where to focus becomes even harder.
I just need a bit of clarity and some focus, but I’m not sure where to find it. Heck, I’m not sure what is so unclear and out of focus in the first place.