Archive for December, 2008

Breaking the Silence

This semester my blog has been fairly silent. A lot of the silence stems from the embarrassment and anger I felt over losing my campus job at DTLT. Its a long story but because I did not meet satisfactory academic progress for campus employment this past semester; I could not work or receive federal financial aid. So it has been a tough semester financially and my ego took a bruising too.

After losing my job I was forced to reflect on my reasons for being at college. I’ve known for some time now that I have very little interest in academics and have a tough time motivating myself to do work in classes. The question, ” then why am I at college?” has been asked many times. And truthfully I don’t know how to answer that in a non-complicated way. But there are a lot of things I do enjoy at college and I have learned a lot. So for the moment that is just alright.

I learned a lot this semester about doing things you don’t want to do (and the consequence of not doing such things), but I’ll admit that this might be the semester when I learned the least about the course material. I was stressed about getting good enough grades and about being a student that I lost interest in actually learning the material in favor for old methods of playing the system that would help me just get through. As it turns out I didn’t really have the fortitude to go through the motions the whole way through and just ended up sputtering to the end of the semester. Yeah, a terrible idea, I know. So I spent most of the semester feeling like a fraud and any motivation I had to write in this space was just gone.

But now the semester has passed, I have limped across the finish line and have decided to move on. More outlandish thoughts and more nonsense. Maybe I didn’t keep that new years promise to blog everyday, but perhaps in the last few days of 2008 I can overload everyones feed reader and come close to 365. Too much? You decide.

shattered memory” originally uploaded by millicent_bystander


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